Suspicious package
- Hello..?..... Arthur?
- Who the hell is Arthur? This is R-2. What do you want?
- Sorry, I mean R-2
- Who is this?
- This is Henry Washington, The new chief of anti-terrorist operation. I am calling from the Central Command via Intel-comp... Do you read me?
- Yah, Yah, What do you want? Do you know what time it is?
- Yes I know. I have a clock on my monitor. Listen, we got a few suspicious packages that need to be checked right away.
- Where are the other robots? Why me?
- They are all busy. You know that we come across thousands of suspicious packages everyday. These airports are driving us nuts.
- Why don’t you use the human bomb squads any more? Are they busy too?
- No. They joined the unions and they don’t do dangerous work anymore.
- How nice! Then we have to do the dirty work?
- Somebody has to do it. It is the matter of national security. Where is your sense of patriotism?
- Hello..? I was made in GE factory. I have no country.
- Sorry…I got it. My mistake…but you know we made you to do this kind job.
- I don’t want to be a cry baby, but last time there was an actual bomb in that backpack and it blew in my face.
- That happens. We did everything to put you back together after that accident. I read in your file that we did major bodywork on you.
- It is funny that you call it accident like I am a car or something.
- When the possibility of a package being a bomb is 50/50, we have to call the unfortunate 50% part of it an accident. It’s matter of speech. Take it easy!
- Fine, but you should not have taken me to a Mexican body shop.
- Sorry, you know our budget situation.
- So where is this damn package that I have to check?
-
- Yah, Yah. You know last night I was scanning some of my files in my memory and I came to this thing that some Moslems throw themselves on the mines to blow them up.
- So?
- Why don’t you hire some of these guys?
- Government policy. We can’t hire Moslems after September 11, even if they don’t belong to a union. We do have some Moslem employees, but they don’t like to die with a bang.
- You should make them.
- We can not find a just cause for them to get motivated.
- Sometimes I wish that I could be one of those robots that go with spaceships or satellite stations. Nice long ride. Fix a small wire or cable problem and return to Earth. Safe and sweet job it is. What a life!
- Well, What can I do? You are made for this type of work. Listen, I promise after this mission we do a nice lube job on you and maybe a complete re-wiring. What do you say?
- You call this a bonus? Do you know how dangerous these bombs are?
- I know they won’t kill the robots but I heard the shock in tremendous.
- There you go!
- I promise on the next mission, I put you with Joanne. I heard you have a crush on her.
- It’s Joanne! It is J-0ne. When do you want to get our robotic names right?
- Sorry. I must have heard it from a robot with foreign accent.
- Okay, I’ll do this. Only, one condition….
- Name it
- No more practical jokes, blowing a plastic bag behind my back when I am carrying the bomb.
- Okay. Done!
- One more thing. I need my eyes changed.
- Changed?
- They’re not digital. I can’t see well. The resolution goes bad with the age, you know.
- Okay. Done!
- I will be ready in half an hour. I have to go and polish my metals. I don’t want to look bad in front of the cameras and a bunch of young reporters.
- I see
- While I am getting ready can you send me the updated profile on J-1?
- You got it! I am sending it now. It has her latest photos and her new state of the art wiring diagram.
- Yes, yes... It is downloading. Oh my God…. Wow! She has such a smooth metal. You think she is a virgin? It seems she never went to a body shop. Wow… I think I am getting a short circuit.
- We are breaking up. Can you read me? Did you get the file?
- Wow!
- Hello? Do you read me?
- Wow!
- Good luck on your mission…. Be careful!
- Wow!
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